you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize