Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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