you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
