"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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