i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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