So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I have fence marks all over my body
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
