I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
