where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
