no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize