I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
