Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
