I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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