So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
