How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
