you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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