We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
