All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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