trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
