im gay
i know
yea but for you.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
