Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
