did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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