we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
