You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
please come you make the beer taste better
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
