please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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