I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
