dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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