sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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