I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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