I love black thongs
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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