Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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