your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
