Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
