Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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