The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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