my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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