My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
