We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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