i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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