get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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