The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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