Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
So vagazzling was a success
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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