he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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