I think my vagina is haunted
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Randomize
