I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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