It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize