I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
