come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
