in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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