hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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