So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
