I just threw up on my dentist
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
