Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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