In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
