i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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