if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
