Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
