i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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