She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
