The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
