Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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