we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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