it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
