I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
