It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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