Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
When are your genitals available?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
