i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
